"Journey back in time with me, dear
readers, back to my youthful innocence. We can skip the mournful tale
of Deborah Valentine—she was six and I was five, our love was cut
short when she moved away—and the rest of the pre-pubescent love
affairs of a boy raised on the daring exploits and tender love of
Westley, Buttercup, and the rest. Sarah, Sara, Jenna, they are not
inconsequential but they play no part in this particular narrative.
Let us waltz tenderly past them and stop where Valerie stands,
awaiting a dance partner.
"Valerie was first introduced to me
whilst dating my friend, Dave. It was a brief meeting, I remember no
details and would most likely have forgotten her very existence if
she had not popped back into my life repeatedly. I believe our next
meeting was when she attended the homecoming dance with my best
friend and co-conspirator, Nik. Again, it was an eventless encounter,
the repetition of her presence was the only detail worthy of note.
Eventually, Nik started dating her, finally placing her in a position
of permanence. Nik and Valerie were kind enough to note my loneliness
and decided to arrange a double date with myself and Valerie's friend
Alex. I recognize the futility of regretting decisions and actions in
my past, our pasts shape our present and future and wishing away
segments of our past is much of a muchness to wishing away our
existence.
"David Eddings illustrates this point
masterfully in his Belgariad series.
The most dangerous action for a wizard in Edding's world is to
command something not to be. Everything comes from something, he
explains, and commanding an object to be not creates such an
impossible scenario for the balance of the universe that the wizard
foolish enough to attempt this action is removed from existence. He
is not destroyed, he simply never was; a truly horrifying concept.
Thus it is so with our past experiences, the very building blocks of
who we are. Regretting past experiences to a degree or using our
mistakes as lessons is not incredibly harmful. But actually wishing a
past event to cease to exist is attempting to dissolve one of the
blocks in the foundation of our lives. Obviously we will not
physically cease to exist like the careless wizard but refusing to
acknowledge our foundation will eventually result in the crumbling of
our sense of self. David J. Leiberman speaks eloquently of the
unhealthy actions resulting from a person with low self esteem; I
cannot imagine a lower sense of self worth than mentally denying your
own existence.
"But back to Alex,
what a mistake, she was a perfect example of a horrible decision that
one can only learn never to make again—of course I didn't, people
rarely do. In summary, I was not quite swarthy enough for her taste.
Add an insane father, a jealous friend, and a day in police
interrogation and we have the end of that poor excuse for a
relationship. Nik and Valerie experienced a similar amount of success
as a couple but they managed to remain friends, so it falls that
Valerie remained in my life. I don't recall exactly when my romantic
interest in her started but start it did and it took a while to
dissipate.
"Those of you who
have seen photographs of me may find this hard to believe, but there
was once a time when I was not able to capture every woman at whom my
smile was directed. Valerie kind heartedly received my schoolboy
advances with good graces...for a time. Eventually, she decided to
push another friend my way.
"Really?" I responded, "David Eddings? Why not just start quoting Star Trek?" Jack grinned and asked me to kindly shut my filthy mouth. He continued on for a while about how David Eddings was the greatest visionary to come out of the Pacific Northwest. Eventually, after coming to the conclusion that Jack was simply in love with Princess Ce'Nedra, I said goodnight to Jack and left him pondering the difficulties of inter-species relationships—namely human, dryad.
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